Dear woman holding up the line at CVS:
Oh, Mama. I feel your pain. It is hard to keep your shit together when the baby is screaming like that. I want to walk over and offer to shush and bounce and cuddle that baby so that you can get this taken care of. It is impossible to concentrate on an adult conversation when there is a baby screaming, I know, I know. Oh, that sucks, I'm so sorry.
Jeez, lady. Do you really not understand how birth control works? Start on the day the pack says start. Take the pills in order. Don't skip around. Why does the pharmacist have to explain this to you like you're five? She's being loud and clear enough for ALL of us to hear it - surely you can figure this out, right?! Maybe that's how you got to this point in the first place, you can't remember to take a pill?
Wait, what did the pharmacist say? If you haven't gotten your cycle then what? Did I do that? Holy shit, have I been doing it wrong? Oh my god maybe I should get a pregnancy test to go with this dark chocolate.